i still believe i'm not worth it.
so i push people away.
i get so scared when i start to care for someone, to think of them as a friend (even tho i am still not sure wot that is).
the tapes start playing in my head...
"why would they want you for a friend, you have nothing to offer."
"they must be tired of you tagging along and hanging around by now."
"why would anyone want someone like you for a friend?"
"they are just gonna dump you at the first chance they get."
and it goes on and on...
and my brain plays these tapes.. and then i follow thru with actions to push people away.
oh sure, some stick around for a while... but i manage to drive them off eventually.
seems the more i want someone to stick around, the more scared i am that they really are just looking for a reason to leave... so i give them reasons.
i want to skip to the end, i want to believe i am worth it.
