he didn't love me
i was a possession
he stole my life, my freedom (physical, emotional and psychological)
he robbed me of love i should have had, should have felt
he made everything that should have been beautiful into something ugly
i am out now, but the damage is so severe it will take a very long time to repair it even to the point where i will be able to give and receive love.
i don't even know wot a healthy relationship looks like... friendships, family...
i don't know how to be
i could write down how they are, but to transfer that to an emotional level....
i just am not able to do that.
my emotions don't match the situations.
i see people who love each other
and it hurts so bad
because i never had that
and because it will be a long time until i am healthy enough to even consider it.
i think somewhere below the fear is anger at wot was stolen from me...
but the fear is still so much more
or maybe i just don't recognize the emotion for wot it is.
not being allowed to show any emotions for so long, or having to fake something different...
now the wrong ones come out, and i don't know how to fix it.
prickly skin, stomach doing flip flops...
